Yes, this post is exactly what the title sounds like– me, turning what could be a really educational talk into a fun conversation about the sexiest guys in George RR Martin’s series, A Song of Ice and Fire. Complete with the best possible pictures of them from the TV show. Yes people, this is about to be the most fabulous post you’ve ever read. Buckle your seatbelts. (I tagged spoilers with bold tags when they start and are over)
A Bit of Background…
So I finished what has been published of the ASOIAF series a while back, but since it’s practically always on my mind, I decided to bring up the series to my mom, who managed to get through the first four (I think) books before deciding that she was no longer interested. Don’t ask me why, I couldn’t understand it *turns and gives mom evil eye*. Naturally, the conversation turned towards the fact that Jon Snow was HOTTTTTTT. To understand this, you need to keep in mind that I haven’t watched the TV show, just read the books. And in these books, the kid starts out at 14, and is (correct me if I’m wrong) 16 by the end. Which is pretty much my age. When I said that he was my fictional crush, my mom looked at me like I’m crazy. And here’s how the conversation went from there:
Mom: “Joce, he’s a child!”
Me: “Ummmm no mom he’s my age basically”
Mom: *looks at me confused* “Ohh…” *eyes widen slowly* “wait…”
Me: “yeah mom, yeah”
If you couldn’t piece it together, Jon Snow is way younger than my mom, so she looked at him as a child, and instead romantically leaned towards some of the more… mature… characters in the novels. And that’s when it hit me. There are essentially NO attractive, older male characters. What’s up with that, George!
And now for the hot guys you’ve all been suffering through this post to see…
I decided that the best way to go about this was to separate everyone into one of two categories– young male love interests, and old male love interests. Sorry guys, if you watch the TV show there’s enough girl for you there 😉
- Joffery Baratheon– Ummm… if you think snotty brats are cute I guess
- Jon Snow– Yasss please get me some!
- Robb Stark– He’s a pretty cool guy. Wouldn’t date him but others probably would
- Viserys Targaryen– Not sure why I even included him, but I guess incest is cool KIDDING OF COURSE OMG (okay I take it back he’s ugly in the TV shows… I imagined him as younger and kinda cute in my head oops so here’s some fan art where he’s kinda cool)
- Gendry Waters– Hot af, funny, smart, strong. Basically all around amazing and almost as great as Jon Snow
- Jaime Lannister– He’s hot (of course) but has at least one personality flaw. My personal favorite, and would totally go for him, but from what I’ve heard, SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT the incest throws people off SPOILER ALERT OVER SPOILER ALERT OVER.
- Robert Baratheon– fat, lazy, good for nothing…. Totally not a guy anyone would crush on
- Ned Stark– He’s okay, if you like BORING. I know he’s supposed to be a good guy, but I fell asleep during his chapters
- Khal Drogo– He’s your best bet at this point honestly. I’d take a foreign Khal over the rest of these guys any day.
- Jorah Mormont– He’s a good guy, and he seems sweet tbh. He’s also another case of TV show not living up to my mental reality (is that an oxymoron?). I thought he was The Bear? Doesn’t look to bear like to me. Oh well
There were way fewer (in character) shirtless pictures than I had hoped…
If you look at the list, it’s clear that for adult women, there’s not a whole ton of excitement going on there. Not only that, but it sexualized women SO MUCH and men like NOT ENOUGH AT ALL. I know GRRM is a guy, and life isn’t fair, but still. I just find it super interesting that the majority of people who love this book have characters of their love interests, while other groups do not. I personally love ASOIAF, but maybe it wouldn’t be so fun if I wasn’t rooting for my crush to survive???
I think one of the biggest things I’ve noticed is that all the girls are hot, whereas all the men who are decent have terrible personalities. IDK what’s up with that…. but anyways. Hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I did writing it!
Shoutout to Tower of the Hand and A Wiki of Ice and Fire for all the amazing information that helped me write this post! Also, image credits for Joffery, Jon, Robb, Viserys, Gendry, Jaime, Robert, Ned, Drogo, and Jorah. (I’m on top of the not plagiarizing thing today guys) (EDIT 1/8/22: Ned and Robb pages deleted)
Have you read ASOIAF? Do you think books are less enjoyable when you don’t have a crush on one of the characters? What’s your opinion? Comment below!
~ Now Venture Out and Change the World ~