Tweet from cover image by @_haaniyah_

Twitter recently shared that Euphoria is the most tweeted about show of the decade, based on the analytics they collected. Well, I could have told you that just by looking at my timeline every Sunday. I have never seen a single episode of Euphoria, nor do I follow any Euphoria hashtags or Euphoria-specific accounts, but it is literally all I see every Sunday night and most of Monday.

Since I’ve been ~immersed~ in Euphoria content while never having seen an episode, I thought it would be fun to try to recap the show based on knowledge gleaned on Twitter and have you guys tell me everything I got wrong. Obviously this will be mostly inaccurate but I think it could be fun, and when I tweeted about it two (2) people liked my tweet so clearly this will be a hit post.

The Setup

We open the season and Rue is dating Jules. Rue is reallyyyyy messed up because of drugs. She really likes Jules and Jules really likes her, but Jules is also a player and is hooking up with some guy. Jules is also quite jealous of Rue and this guy she’s friends with, but that’s silly because Rue has said she’s a lesbian.

Cassie is perfect and beautiful, but then something bad happens with the guy she is dating, and she gets really drunk at a party and realizes that she’s going to throw up. This leads to her friend hauling her up the stairs while Cassie’s face turns red and she proceeds to make an expression that everyone on Twitter thinks is really funny but is actually really sad because clearly this girl is upset!

Kat and another girl stand in the bathroom and bully another girl. I am fairly convinced that this is the only time either of these two people show up in the entire season.

There is also a man called Fez and a man called Nate, one of whom is secretly dating Jules and the other who is secretly dating Cassie and Maddy. None of the girls know about the other girl’s hookups and if they did, bad things would happen.

The Superbowl

Are you team Cassie or team Maddy? Personally I am team Cassie because she did not deserve the bullying she received from aforementioned stairs/crying episode.

That Girl’s Play

Some girl, I believe her name is Lexi but don’t quote me, steals the entire school’s budget in order to put on a school play. It turns out it’s not just any school play, it’s a play about all of her friends (frenemies?) at the school.

The play really came for some people, especially Rue and her dad, but Rue got clean this episode and is absolutely GLOWING and smiling at the play. She looks great. Unfortunately Sam (the writer of the show?) hates lesbians and so Rue becomes bi and there’s a threesome dynamic between Rue, Jules, and a man who is played by an actor named Dominic. Half of the internet thinks this is lesbophobia and the other half think it would be very hot. This split seems to be entirely dependent on whether you are either (a straight man or find dominic attractive) OR (thinks dominic is not attractive).

Lexi knows that Nate Jacobs is gay, despite his best efforts to explain otherwise, so she tells everyone in her little play.

Someone says “wait, is this fucking play about us?”, inspiring a viral tiktok sound.

After this episode, Cassie-hive is disappointed because Twitter announces that she’s not in the top 4 most tweeted about people, despite having some mental breakdowns.

The Finale

This finale was extraordinarily disappointing. Everyone knows it was bad. However, some things did happen.

Cal (who i didn’t even know existed until this moment) has a nice little party but then Nate shows up and calls the cops while holding a gun. It’s generally inadvisable to call the cops on yourself but clearly nobody told Nate. This is probably because Elliot was too busy singing for the entire episode. I also just learned that hot boy Dominic is Elliot, if you were wondering too.

If you chose Cassie to win the superbowl, you were correct. But Maddy doesn’t even care anymore because she realized Nate is trash.

A little kid appeared at the high school this episode, and he also died. That feels randomly traumatic and Fez thought so too. Aside from screaming for someone to leave the now-dead child alone, he also made a card for Lexi that was stepped on by the police. Twitter seems more upset about this affront to Fexi than the dead child.

Rue stayed clean for the whole rest of the school year! The whole rest of the school year was not shown in this episode- Rue just gave us a nice little voiceover at the end. Fortunately this also somehow means that she doesn’t have to pay back all of the money she owes her drug dealers, because that plot line was completely ignored.

And that’s the season!!!

Was I right at all? Let me know in the comments how close I was and if you enjoyed this type of post!