On Thursday and Friday of last week, I REALLY needed to go to the grocery store. However, due to my general inability to function like a normal human, crippling laziness, and an untimely rainstorm, I did not. Instead, I ate whatever food I could find in the house, slipping away from conventional eating times and instead eating whenever I got hungry and could find something appetizing in the fridge.

I now feel inspired to share with you. Why? Unclear.

Thursday, 9:00am- 2 Eggs

Even when I have no food in the house, I normally have eggs. I like to keep stocked up and plus I rarely eat them in ordinary times (given that I typically commute to work and eat there) so there’s a backlog when I need it. A good start!

Thursday, 11:30am- 1/3 of a Pint of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream

Starting off strong with 1/3 of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I bought the “topped” version which was… subpar. I would not recommend it whatsoever. If you’re going to get $6 ice cream, you can do better than plain chocolate with some hard chocolate on top.

And what better time to have ice cream than 11am! I went to the kitchen trying to decide what I was going to eat for lunch, and got distracted by the freezer section. Feeling good.

Thursday, 12:15pm- 1 Apple

I did make it back to the kitchen for a genuine lunch. Unfortunately, the bread in my freezer had somehow become moldy. Some would think this would propel me to go shopping even sooner. Instead, I ate an apple.

Thursday, 3:30pm- Leftover Pasta

Don’t worry, dear readers! I ate a real dinner. In the middle of the afternoon. Two days before, back when my fridge was fully stocked and my optimism high, I made pasta with beyond sausage, an orange pepper, and some tomato paste for saucy flavor.

Two days later, the sauce was a bit… gone. But the pasta itself was still delicious, and easily prepared with 2 minutes in the microwave.

Thursday, 8:00pm- Chipotle Quesadilla with Pico

The problem with eating dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon is that by the time the night comes, you’re starving. You wander the dark corner of your tiny kitchen, opening and closing the refrigerator, waiting for something to catch your eye.

Just kidding. You lay in bed where you’ve been for the past 2 hours straight and then order a kid’s Chipotle quesadilla. I also tried to buy chips and guac, but they forgot the chips so I put the guac in the fridge.

I paid for this choice the next day when I woke up with the greasiest skin in the entire world, what with being a both lactose intolerant and dairy-minimal individual who chose to eat both a quesadilla and ice cream in the same day.

Friday, 9:00am- 2 Eggs

Once again. Starting strong. The day is mine for the taking. I will conquer all of the work I’m required to do, and maybe even some more. I am invincible.

Friday, 12:15pm- 1 Apple

And so we devolve, back to the apple. I actually deeply love apples, and buy them in bulk every time I go to the grocery store. This apple was far better than yesterday’s apple, being juicy and crunchy and delicious.

Friday, 1:30pm- 1/2 Cucumber with Guacamole

Like I said earlier, I had some leftover guac and nothing to eat it with. Luckily for me, on Tuesday of this week I’d eaten half of a cucumber and left the other half.

“Jocelyn, that’s so cute that you dipped your cucumber slices in guacamole!” you say.

Unfortunately, that is not the case. I did not cut my cucumber, I simply held the entire cucumber in my fist and dipped it into the guacamole container with every bite.

Civilized? No. Delicious? Yes.

Friday, 3:46pm- 1 Can of Refried Beans with Pico & Guac

It is typically wise to learn from your past mistakes. For example, if you eat dinner at 3:30 one day and are starving that night, you eat dinner later the day after. But not me! I instead ate just 16 minutes later the next day, choosing to indulge in a full can of vegetarian refried beans (make sure it says this explicitly otherwise there will be little meat chunks in it!) and the leftover pico + guacamole from my previous food adventures.

This was honestly a 12/10 dinner, required just 3 minutes of prep, and filled me up better than the real dinner I’d cooked the day before. If you’re ever running low on food and need something low effort, an entire can of beans is the way to go here.

Friday, 8:30pm- 1 Candy Cane

For all of my confidence in the previous paragraph, I did still get hungry. My house was fully void of food at this point, but as I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, I spotted three candy canes that I’d hung over my window for Christmas and I pulled one of them down to snack on.

Candy canes may not be the most filling option, but it did take me so long to eat that by the time I considered ordering food again, I simply went to bed instead.

So that’s what I ate for two days without food! Never fear my friends, on Saturday morning I did in fact go to the grocery store and buy enough food to last me for the entire next week.

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