The third season of The L Word: Generation Q is upon us, and I’m here recapping every single episode. From the epic rekindling of everyone’s favorite (or least favorite) romance and the slow crumbling of the hottest couple in the show to the opening of very best bar baby to ever exist, I will be talking about every key moment and giving you all a chance to chat about it in the comments.

We’re back with another episode of The L Word, the first episode ever that won’t star Bette Porter. If you recall, the last episode ended with her sprinting through traffic, Imagine Me & You style, to reunite with her beloved Tina Kennard and soar away to Toronto together. In a far less romantic turn of events, our beloved Gigi was texting while driving and got into a car accident, and that’s where we open this episode.

Inside of the ambulance, Gigi is strapped down with her head in one of this concussion contraptions, and Nat is leaning over her to make sure she is alright. Nat kisses Gigi, and at that moment Dani runs in. She got there as fast as she could, and Nat awkwardly leaves the ambulance to go wait outside. Dani is grateful that Nat got there as fast as she could, and Nat shares that she’s Gig’s emergency contact, which they “should change”. I don’t think that’s really Nat’s decision but okay!

Only one of them is allowed in the ambulance, and Dani leaps in before it drives away, leaving Nat to ponder what happened while standing in the street.

We cut to credits and re-enter our world of lesbian love at the Alice show, where Alice and her staff are preparing for their 100th episode. Alice had a big plan to host a blind dating show as one of the segments on this episode, and Sophie is promising that she vetted all of the candidates thoroughly. Alice thinks this can really work! After all, the very first ever Bachelorette is still with the man she chose, so that must mean television dating shows have a super high probability of success, right?

Alice is waiting for her coffee from a cute bartender named Taylor, who pronounces her name “Elise” before looking up and realizing who she’s talking to. Taylor takes the coffee back to design some latte art, but it’s clear she’s not very good at it because she claims it’s “chaos”, and Alice asks her to stay for the show.

She’d love to, except she has big plans for her evening, one that I personally can relate to! After all, who among us hasn’t had to “overanalyze this conversation for like two hours later” at one point or another in our lives. Alice says the conversation’s going so well! And at least that’ll be one person in the audience who didn’t come expecting Ellen. I, for one, cannot possibly imagine that Ellen is more popular than Alice in any world, but apparently the showrunners don’t have my level of creativity.

In the backroom at Dana’s, Finley, full name Sarah Finley, is staring at a completed college application on her laptop. Her mouse hovers over the submit button in a way that tells us she’s done this countless times before, but this time she’s saved from the agony of decision by Shane coming in and asking her if she wants to go to the new bar and “break stuff”.

You don’t need to ask Finley twice, she’s there.

Now, watching the previews I thought I’d be excited for this scene but reader, they somehow made it so corny it was almost no longer hot. Pony by Ginuwine plays and Shane and Finley engage in a silly butch striptease, sliding around the floor. The music cuts and they slam their mallets into the wall. Finley wants to know if Shane thinks she’d be good at school. She wasn’t good before, but maybe this time would be different.

Tess comes in at that moment and wants to know what the fuck they’re doing tot her baby. They don’t start demo until tomorrow! Didn’t anyone read the calendar! Finley offers Tess a wack, for stress relief (which Tess is clearly in desperate need of right now) but Tess refuses so Finley takes the swing herself… bursting a water pipe.

Shane throws her body into the water to block to spread (?) and Finley runs around the back to turn off the water. Tess is pissed, and immediately cancels on the Alice Show to call a plumber. Shane offers to help, and Tess snaps that she doesn’t need any more of whatever got them into this mess to begin with. Lost puppy Shane makes a strong appearance, and she slinks off.

In the house of Gigi (and maybe soon to be Dani?), Dani is getting ready to leave when Nat knocks at the door. Gigi is still somewhat bedridden this morning and she can’t get ready by herself. Rather than informing her girlfriend of this, wearing something easier to put on, or just not attending a likely loud event while concussed, Gigi has called Nat to help her out! While this certainly doesn’t please Dani, it does make me happy, because Nat is still and always will be my favorite person on the show.

Nat’s favorite person? Margaret Cho, who will be at the Alice Show later that night.

Dani leaves for work, and Gigi and Nat proceed to banter as though no time has passed. Gigi asks if Nat wants to talk about the other night, but Nat doesn’t. It was nothing! No big deal! Just exes kissing!

Boundaries are important people, and it looks like Jordi doesn’t have any! While walking to class, Angie is on the phone with her mom, where she shares that Jordi has been texting her a lot, but other than that she’s all good. Her moms want to make sure she has her mace still (safety first!) and then Angie hangs up to focus on school.

In a generational twist on everyone’s least favorite affair (re: Nadia and Bette, season 4), Angie’s creative writing teacher is THEE Professor Hendrix from Marcus’s gallery opening. The one that Angie made out with before engaging in a dangerous cross-LA car race to reunite her parents.

Professor Hendrix sees Angie, and the absolute shock that plays across both of their faces kills me.

At the Alice Show, Shane brings Alice a framed copy of The Chart to celebrate. Alice loves it! Much better than the flowers from Bette and Tina and the basket of Bic pens from Tom, the man whose proposal she turned down in the space between season 2 and 3. Alice thinks Tom is a good friend, but Shane thinks he’s still hoping. Either way is fine with Alice, to be honest!

Shane also brought a box of old hair products, which Alice doesn’t want, which is good because they’re actually for Ivy. Alice knows something is up and instantly asks where Tess is. Oh yeah, and there’s going to be a lube slip ‘n slide, so avoid the front row.

Elsewhere backstage Dani is killing it at her job per usual. She’s walking around updating Sophie on everything that she needs to know before the show, and Sophie is once again asking Dani to break down her personal boundaries and come over for dinner. She wants a double date! Dani, Dani’s ex who stood her up at the altar, Dani’s ex friend who ran away with her ex who stood her up at the altar, and Dani’s new girlfriend. Fun!

Dani says “m-maybe” and Sophie chooses to take offense to this perfectly reasonable reaction.

Tess brings the plumber back to Baby Bar, and Finley offers to man the fort while Tess goes to get her girl back. Tess’ sponsee is already on the way, but that’s fine because Finley has the book and a highlighter ready to go. Kind of strange that she would have invited her sponsee to hang out at a time when she was supposed to be with Shane, but we’ll let it go! Tess agrees that she was “way harsh” earlier, and scurries off.

Back at college, Hendrix asks Angie to stay after class. He double checks to make sure it’s truly Angie From the Gallery, and then Angie proceeds to apologize for the kiss. She was having a rough night! She’s down to drop the class! Hendrix is sweet and shares that he’s happy she’s in the class, and then looks back to smile at her before leaving. Kids, don’t fuck your professors! It doesn’t end well! Even if they’re super hot and young!

The Alice Show is about to start, and rather than head to the front of the stage Shane takes Ivy up on her offer to hang out behind it.

Who is actually taking their seats? Nat and Gigi, who are sharing a reserved couch in the audience. Dani asks Gigi if she wants anything, and Nat says yes, champagne! Oh, and also, can Dani give this bag of oranges to Alice? The lady on the side of the freeway didn’t have flowers today.

Gigi picks fluff out of Nat’s hair and compliments how healthy it looks. She also says that when she got hit, Nat and the kids flashed across her eyes, her “family”. Nat’s sure it was just the adrenaline, but at that moment Dani comes back with the champagne… a whole bottle of it… without a glass. It’s okay though, because Nat has a reusable straw in her purse, and Gigi has never been more charmed.

Carrie arrives at Baby Bar and says that Tess’ description of Finley as Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo and Juliet is weirdly accurate. Finley says that’s so nice she must be on a gender journey! Must she? I don’t know, and neither does Carrie, who’s confident in her gender regardless of what feminine man she is compared to.

Carrie has to pee, so Finley directs her to Dana’s, where she hasn’t broken the water pipes. Inside, Carrie gets her nose smashed by a door to a stall that the plumber, Misty, is inside of. They shove tampons up Carrie’s nose and flirt. I’m so happy for Carrie! Get the girl!

Sophie’s in the middle of a crisis; contestant #3 is sloppy drunk and they need to find a replacement, asap. Onstage, Alice is trying to get out of a straightjacket, watched by Nat and Gigi, who are flirting and sharing the bottle of champagne. It’s actually really hard to drink bubbly liquids with a straw, so this feels like fake advertising! Nat says that Gigi isn’t thinking straight, but Gigi’s still deep in her feels. I think it’s pretty normal to see the mother of your children who you met at 18 when you’re about to die, as opposed to your girlfriend of 1 year, but what do I know!

Sophie tries to get Dani to do the dating show, but she refuses. That’s when she sees Taylor. Yay! And Dani sees Gigi and Nat holding hands. Sad.

Ivy is telling Shane about how her baby is everything but has also sucked her dry, and Shane can relate to that because of Baby Bar #1 and #2.

Taylor is whisked back for a 4 minute fashion makeover, and Ivy tells Shane to do it. It seems like there’s a little too much of a time crunch to get Shane back into hair here, but it works before Taylor’s hair comes out fantastic!

Onstage, Alice and Margaret Cho chat about the contestants. Contestant #1 is a male rescue vet with a deep voice from Montana, and Contestant #2 is a woman who runs a cold storage NFT startup. So far, I’m underwhelmed.

So is Gigi, who’s tired and about to head home. Dani goes to call Gigi a car (why Gigi can’t call her own cars is confusing to me), but Nat’s going to take Gigi home instead. Dani wants to know what’s going on. Now. My heart absolutely breaks for her, this is nearly the exact same situation she was in with Finley and Sophie; she doesn’t deserve for it to happen again. Justice for Gani/Dagi!

It’s time for contestant #3, Taylor. As she’s pushed onstage, Sophie sees Ivy and Shane slink away together. In the words of Taylor Swift, there is some High Infidelity going on tonight. Things are going well for Taylor and Alice onstage though. Alice recognizes Taylor’s voice despite not being able to see her, and the two flirt about embarrassing moments (this exact second) and whether a hero is a human or an animal.

At Baby Bar, Finley and Carrie swap stories about alcoholism. Finley misses how alcohol would allow her to do things. For example, apply to college– the application is due tonight and she hasn’t pulled the trigger in months. If we’re to believe the timeline presented to us thus far, it’s somewhere in late September / early October, a time no college apps are ever due, unless she’s applying Early Decision, in which case she’d have another opportunity to submit sometime in February! But oh well, we’ll ignore that.

Carrie says she absolutely has to apply, and then Misty comes up to say goodbye. Finley realizes that Carrie likes her, and demands she go after her. Finley says that if she asks her out, she’ll send in her college app. Carrie says deal instantly! She’s here to get Finley on track and I love that for her. Plus, she got a date! Well, not a date exactly, but she joined Misty’s bowling league. Small steps, we love to see it.

Tess is at home and getting ready to head out when her mom hears a song playing and stands up to start dancing. It’s the same song that Tess and her mom used to listen to on the way to school, and Tess can’t help but dance with her. Her mom didn’t remember who she was when she walked in, but as she starts dancing she calls Tess her daughter, and the two have a very adorable moment.

Unfortunately, Shane is in the hallways of the Alice show flirting with Ivy. When Ivy tells Shane to follow her into an empty room, Shane does it, and. thetwo hook up. It’ a hot scene, and I for one would never fault my girlfriend for hooking up with Kehlani, but somehow I doubt Tess is going to feel the same way.

Somehow time has held still in other wings of the Alice Show, and Dani and Gigi are still having the same conversation they were when we left them. Dani is convinced that something happened, and Gigi finally shares that in the ambulance, their “lips touched”. Dani is clearly heartbroken, and when Gigi says she’s confused, Dani says she’s done.

I don’t understand why they’re breaking them up! They have the potential to be the new Bette and Tina we’ve just wrecked it.

Onstage it’s time for one last question: Why do you want to date Alice? The other two give strong answers about Alice being amazing, and then Taylor says she was promised a coffee mug if she did the show. Alice chooses contestant #3, and is excited to find out that it’s Taylor the barista.

They are cute! I hope they date!

In Nat’s car, Gigi is extraordinarily upset. Nat offers to let her sleep on her couch, a decently unnecessary offer given that, as we know, Gigi and Dani don’t actually live together yet. Gigi refuses, but she says that she should drive. Nat says she hasn’t even had that much to drink, but Gigi (who famously got in a car crash for texting while driving last episode) thinks that it’s Nat who’s the bad driver.

There’s no time to swap seats, though, because at that moment Dani comes out and starts chucking oranges at the car. Nat can’t believe it! “That was for my ex! Our ex!” she exclaims, reminding us all of the hottest throuple to ever exist.

Tired out from all of her rage, Dani sits in the hallway and starts eating the oranges. It’s the second time she’s been dumped for someone else, and she’s understandably heartbroken. Sophie sees her and tries to comfort her, but it turns out Dani thinks Sophie is more together than her now.

Sophie gets Dani off the floor and invites her over to hang out. Filling all of us with relief, it is NOT a date, and Dani agrees to come over. The friend group is getting back together!

At the afterparty, Alice is sad to see that Taylor is leaving early. She actually liked her and thought they could date! Alice launches into an entire speech about dating someone more famous, how she loves Taylor’s weird sense of humor, and also thinks she’s cute. Taylor laughs, and I think these two regular kids are gonna work it out!

Shane slinks out of the closet with Ivy at the exact same time that Tess walks by with Sophie, and they have a little reunion. Tess wants to. goto the party, but Shane just wants to go home. I guess fucking Ivy really took it all out of her! Sophie sees Ivy leave the closet, and she’s 100% sure of what happened. I wonder where this is going! Where to Sophie’s allegiances fall?

At the non-ADA compliant house where Maribel lives and is never seen, Finley is making a special dinner for Sophie. She asked Micah to stay upstairs and out of the way, which I guess is where Maribel also is, patiently waiting for someone to carry her and her wheelchair back down.

Sophie comes in and is happy to see that Finley set up an entire spread to celebrate the 100th episode and applying to college. Sophie appears to have completely forgotten that she invited Dani over, and she kisses Finley as Dani walks through the door. Sophie whispers that Gigi broke up with her, and to her credit Finley recovers wonderfully.

Dani says she’s come to piss on Finley’s hallway, and Finley tells her that she can do whatever’s helpful. When Dani puts her hand out for a truce, Finley says that she wants to give her a big hug, which Dani refuses. To his credit, Micah hears Dani’s voice and comes downstairs to say hi, eat cake, and hopefully diffuse some tension.

The friend group is back together! It’s the start of our Q word episodes and our new generation!

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